abbressays

Just say no to crotch ruffles

check out my crotch ruff

I guess I didn't realize I just walked onto the set of a Nair commersh. Oh wait, I didn't. It's merely a group of men ≥ 30 yrs of age going on a casual jog. Guess what all you nearly-nude joggers? Your leisurely run through the park just gave me a cardiac arrhythmia because I'm pretty sure I just got a glimpse of your junk flapping around in the crisp fall air. Its totes inapprope to be flashing your Britney all ovs the place while exercising in pubs. No need to expose yourself to the unsuspecting gen pop. Would it kill you to throw on some boxer briefs and/or compresh shorts? Or maybs just a shirt w/ a warning, for examp, "CAUT! Don't look down- or do, if you want an early xmas pres." Don't get me wrong- we all love frolicking ab in our skivvies (aka pract noth), but lets save that for the priv beach on SB200NEVS.

It's called a clutch 

One thing that needs to stop is girls bringing purses the size of diap bags out to bars. It is completely unnec. Guess what, a simple wristlet or clutch will suffice. All you need is cash, drivers license or F.I.D., keys, chappystick, etc. It is supes annoying and rude when you're standing there socializing and some female bee-lining it to the bathroom practically knocks you over w/ her XL purse. There is absol no reas to be carrying around your book bag that you took to class 5 hrs before. What do you think you're going to do, skim chap 7 of your finance book while you're waiting for your vod&ton? Get real-and please move your gigantic bag, it's taking up an entire barstool.



How to spot an hmp before you're trapped! 

We all love new besties, right? WRONG. Sometimes. New besties should be chosen very caref. The worst thing that can happ is when you think you absol love a pers, and then you start to see that they are really just anoth hmp (high maintenance puppy/princess). There are impt diffs btwn these:

hmp(uppy): when this potentch bestie constantly needs attn; blows up your cell 24/sevs wondering what you're doing and wanting to be included; inability to chill out and watch tv for 20 min while you get ready or are doing smthg else.

hmp(rincess): this is the worst type of hmp. It is usj a girl (picture anyone on My Super Sweet Sixteen); probs won't have fun in any given activ if it wasn't her idea; generally sports a bitch face; impaysh and better have what she wants when she wants or a temp tant is likely to ensue. If she does become a bestie, you will likely have to deal w/ her shit which will really suck.

Obvi no one would willingly nor knowingly befriend such foul peop but these traits don't come out until much lates. So these are the signs to watch for when adding a new pers to your bestie circle, group, whatevs. If you notice these traits in someone, that is your cue to back it up and keep them at acquaintence level. Keep this in mind when you think you meet a really cool pers in one of your classes...you nevs know who they really are!!



Are you a quest whore?

Ahh, the question whore. There's one in ev class. Quest whores may seem smarmy- seething through the classrooms and putting a damper on you're collegiate educat, but pipe down; there are pros and cons. Let us assess the 2 types.

Type 1 = the quest-asking whore

Cons: They usj sit w/i the first few rows, and are thirsty for knowl. Aft ev sentence the prof says, they raise their hand with a worried look on their face and ask him/her to repeat the explanat bc they didn't 'get it.' They are easily frustrated and discouraged which will probs make your teach pretts uncomft. This can get really annoying in an objective math/science type class. You may hear this question frequently: "Wait, Prof ____, can you put that slide back up? I wasn't finished copying it." [Insert 50 eye rolls here]

Pros: This student can sometimes be used to your advantage, espesh if you've skipped a few times in a row, or periodically suffer from classouts. When they ask the teach to repeat ev sing quest and explanat, it helps you get back on track. This also helps those who are too timid or awk to raise their hand to ask for clarificat.


Type 2 = quest-answering whore

Cons: This student generally sits in the middle to back few rows. They tend to be either loners or come accompanied w/ their posse of d.bags. This type of quest whore has the answer to ev quest the prof throws out there. About 70% of the time, their ans is completely irrelevant to the posed question.

Pros: You can use this type of quest whore to your advantage as well, espesh in small classes. If you're in a class of ab 12 peop and nobody did the reading, the quest whore becomes the hero, and takes a few for the team. When nobody raises their hand to partic, the quest whore won't let you down.

So although they seem absol neg at first, don't fret. Quest whores can and will come in handy one of these days. Just try not to get stuck sitting next to one all semest.